Throughout our lives, we’ve each had to choose friends and men we’d like to enter into a relationship with. We’ll continue to choose friends and if we’re fortunate, we’ll hopefully only have to choose the right man once. But because life happens, for some of us it might be more than once. Whatever number of times it is, it helps if you have the right information or things to consider before making a decision.
I’m sure for the single people we each have a list of characteristics we’d like our husband to be, to have. From honesty to faithfulness to loving Christ, whatever you consider to be important to you. There are many of them. These 3 that I mention here are some of the ones I’ve found to matter a lot. I wish I’d known them in the past, I would have avoided unnecessary heart ache. So how will you know she’ll be a good friend or if he’s the man you’re supposed to marry or the man that’s right for you?
1. Can you trust his/her heart?
If he’s not there to defend himself and someone told you he did something you find unbelievable or something disappointing, would you trust his heart? Would you be able to defend him because even though you don’t know why he could have done what he is being accused of, you still know without a doubt his heart was in the right place.
Sometimes people think if you’ve known someone for 5 years you know them well or 3 months is enough to know someone. I don’t think time has anything to do with it. I think however long it takes for you to trust His heart is how long it should take you to know whether or not he’s the one for you.
There are obviously many things to consider but I think this question makes a huge difference. The same applies to any relationship that you enter into, such as friendship. This person you want to befriend, can you trust their heart? We tend to befriend people and then ask ourselves if we can trust them. It should be the other way round, find out if you can trust first then befriend. That way you’ll avoid saying things like “Can you believe she did that to me, her friend?” I don’t mean be unfriendly towards them. You can be friendly towards someone without befriending them.
- Can you trust his/her intention?
What is his intention in wanting to be with you or in being interested in you? In the past before people entered into a relationship, there was a period of courtship. This involved parents and other people, apart from just the two people intending to or deciding whether they are suited for marriage. Other people still practice this.
Today people start things on their own and then introduce their love interest to people and parents to say we’re getting married. It should be long before that. People close to you will be able to see the red flags that you won’t because of the rose tinted glasses you’ll be wearing, courtesy of infatuation masquerading as love.
The same goes for friends. What are their intentions in wanting to be your friend? I’ve seen people disappointed by friends who stop being friends with them because of a change in their circumstances. For example when going through a divorce, some friends fall away. My take is that they were not meant to be your friends in the first place. Some friends are drinking buddies and when the money runs out they are gone. Some friends become friends because of circumstances or certain interests and when those change, those friendships end.
Take an inventory of your friendships and look at what brought you together and what’s keeping you together. Even more importantly going forward, before making friends with someone ask yourself what their intention is and if you can trust their heart. Take your time. Don’t rush things and don’t feel rushed. If they’re worth it, they’ll wait. You’d rather have no friends than have friends who will later intentionally hurt you.
3. What are his/her values?
If you don’t have the same values, there’s going to be a problem. Either you end up adhering to his as is usually the case or there will be discord in the relationship right from the start. The rose tinted glasses might hide it but it will come out soon enough. Whether it’s 3 months later or 3 years later, the evidence of the different values will show itself. You can only hope it’s before the ring is on your finger because the end is coming.
The same applies to friends because you become like those you spend the most time with. If you have conflicting values, one of you will most likely leave theirs for the other and it could very easily be you.
As I’ve already said, there are many things to consider when choosing a potential husband or a friend. I believe the above three are worth adding on to your list. What else do you think should be on the list?